Site icon Peach Fuzz Critic

A ranking of the JetBlue in-flight entertainment ‘New Releases’

A Ranking Of The JetBlue In-Flight Entertainment New Releases Tab

You’re sitting on an airplane. A JetBlue airplane to be exact. The perfect airline when you don’t want to spend too much money, but you still would like the illusion of luxury. You’re flying from New York to Los Angeles or vice-versa. You forgot your book at your apartment and your Kindle just lost power. Your phone, laptop, and aforementioned Kindle chargers are in your checked baggage. You have six hours to kill.

You really only have one option in this scenario. Maybe it was your first option anyways. You turn on the in-flight entertainment system, stapled to the back of the seat in front of you. You adjust the brightness, because it might be a red-eye flight and you’re a little sleepy.

Like every other person on the plane in your situation, you start the search for the perfect in-flight movie. You jump from the different tabs, and if you’ve had a busy year, you hop onto the “New Releases” tab on the mini monitor.

For the sake of this ranking, we’re throwing documentaries out the window-side window. But, if we want to rank the docs on the JetBlue “New Releases” tab, this would be the list in terms of watchability:

  1. Amazing Grace
  2. Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am
  3. Apollo 11
  4. Meeting Gorbachev
  5. The Panama Papers

Now, what’s the criteria for the best movie while watching on an airplane? For this, we are going to look at a few different factors.

  1. How comfortable do you feel while watching the film? You don’t want to be watching something that will make your seat neighbors feel awkward, which makes you feel uncomfortable, which makes asking for them to move so you can go to the bathroom even more horrible. For example, Her is a fantastic film, but a horrible in-flight watch. The surrogate scene is the epitome of uncomfortability. You score this out of 5. Her would have received a 1/5.
  2. How engaged are you during the film? No one wants to watch a boring film while on a flight. Flying, even though it’s an amazing technological achievement, are inherently boring. You’re watching movies out of necessity, simply because there’s nothing else to do. You want to be entertained. You score this out of 5 as well. For example, Fast Five would score a 5/5 in this category. It’s entertaining as hell.
  3. If turbulence occurs, will this film distract you? Turbulence was awful, is awful, and will remain awful. You want a film that will distract you from that turbulence, not add to the nausea. You score this out of 5 as well. For example, a space movie like Ad Astra or Gravity or really any space movie would score 1/5 in this category, because you’d feel more nauseous if there was unexpected turbulence. Comedies score high in this category.
  4. Will you feel like you adequately used your time by watching this movie? Basically, this is asking is the movie is good or not. A bad film is still a bad film, even if you’re on an airplane with nothing else to do. Score this out of 5.

There you have it. That’s the scoring system. The maximum number a film can receive is 20 and the minimum number a film can receive is 4.

Here are the 14 films: Annabelle Comes Home, Godzilla: King of Monsters, Late Night, Once Upon a Time In Hollywood, Plus One, Pokemon: Detective Pikachu, Spider-Man: Far From Home, Sword of Trust, The Art of Racing in the Rain, The Last Black Man in San Francisco, The Lion King, Ugly Dolls, X-Men: Dark Phoenix, Yesterday. 

Movies Scoring 0-10: That Was The Longest Flight

We aren’t going to spend lots of time on these movies so let’s just run through them.

#14: Ugly Dolls — A bad movies with ugly animation and unfunny jokes. You want to be laughing, not cringing while on a flight. 5/20

#13: Annabelle Comes Home — You might already be scared because you’re on a plane, so why would you intentionally scare yourself more? 6/20

#12: The Art of Racing in the Rain — You either a) read the book and so you already know what’s going to happen or b) have not read the book and are watching a story narrated by a dog played by Kevin Costner.  8/20

#11: The Lion King — This live-action remake falls under the “I already know what’s going to happen” category which makes it much less engaging. It won’t leave you feeling like you spent your time on the flight wisely, making you wish you started your laptop. 10/20

Movies Scoring 11-15: Eh, I Survived My Flight

Let’s give these some scores on some categories, shall we?

#10: Spider-Man: Far From Home — 11/20

#9: Godzilla: King of Monsters — 12/20

#8: Pokemon: Detective Pikachu — 13/20

#6: The Last Black Man in San Francisco — 14/20

 

Movies Scoring 15-20: Wait, That Flight Was So Short!

#5: Late Night — 15/20

#4: Plus One — 16/20

#3: Sword of Trust — 18/20

#2: Once Upon a Time In Hollywood — 18/20

#1: Yesterday — 19/20 — THE BIG WINNER

Shockingly, JetBlue is not yet a sponsor of Peach Fuzz Critic. What’s your go-to in-flight movie?

Exit mobile version